garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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