Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
