Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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