that's an acceptable place to lick
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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