I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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