I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
