Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
