dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
