So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
