he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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