Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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