That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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