Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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