the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
