First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
