I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
