It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
