I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
