he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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