Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
