I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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