haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
