I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
