It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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