you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
