its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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