Well douche your snatch and let's go!
People in love make me want to vomit
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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