I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
