Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
