You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
