He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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