I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
