wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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