If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
