he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
