I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
