Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
