he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
