I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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