Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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