when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
