I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
