so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
