Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
