i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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