Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I love you. Go after that dick
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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