The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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