I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
