I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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