my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
