Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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