remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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