the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
