Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Girls should come with a carfax report
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
