so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
