pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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