I wannas sexs uuuuu
I should be sponsored by Trojan
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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