I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
