remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
