I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
