Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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