This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
