So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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