My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
