Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
