My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
